The Shame of Messing Up with Food

By Elizabeth Alvarez

2 min read

IBS hits everyone so differently. It truly is an individualized syndrome. And when it comes to food, IBS patients couldn’t be more different. Some people can have dairy while others must avoid it like the plague. Some can indulge in eating rice while others take one bite and feel pain immediately. Gluten seems to be a common food to avoid, yet I’ve met many with IBS that can digest gluten with no problem. It’s amazing how differently IBS can affect people.

Avoiding trigger foods with IBS

One thing we all have in common, however, is the idea that we have to stay away from certain foods. The foods themselves may be different, but the concept of having to avoid certain foods is a common thread with IBS patients.

As for me, I have to avoid the following: wheat products, most grains, processed sugar, dairy, and spicy foods. Of course, like most of us, these are the foods I love the most and grew up eating on a regular basis. So the temptation is real!

The worst part about dealing with IBS is the unpredictability. I always get in trouble when I start to feel well. I’m having a really good day or 2. Minimal symptoms. I feel more like my old self, with better energy, and low anxiety because my bowels are acting normal. So what do I do? I think to myself: Man, I’d love a sandwich right now. I’m hungry, I’m feeling great and I miss being able to bite into a delicious sandwich.

Giving in to temptation

So off I go, to my favorite spot for a delicious sandwich and I enjoy every single bite. I think what I may enjoy slightly more than the sandwich itself, is the fact that I am doing an activity that I used to do all the time before my diagnosis. It’s a feeling of nostalgia. A feeling of freedom. A sort of event that provides me with some type of healing. I can finally do something that takes me back to the days of being healthy.

Shame sinks in

Oh, but the moment I take that last bite and begin to clean up my surroundings, the shame kicks in. Intense shame. I can’t help but think: what have I just done? I am going to be sick soon. Why can’t I be more disciplined? I go down this rabbit hole of shame and it can get quite dark. Because it can start to turn into: why me? Why can’t I be normal again and just have a sandwich? Why can’t I be the old me? Why does my life have to be this way?

Oof. And the worst is when you start to feel the symptoms. The gurgling of the stomach. The cramping beginning to start. And you know it’s time to head home and get in bed because soon things are going to get bad. And the entire time you are enduring your flare, you can’t help but think it’s your fault. You ate the sandwich. You did this to yourself. You’re just ashamed.

Can you relate? Do you feel shame when you eat what you shouldn’t? Share your thoughts below.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The IrritableBowelSyndrome.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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lucy33 Member
Generally I am very good about avoiding my trigger foods. Fried or otherwise fatty foods, raw veggies in excess, beans, no problem. But certain types of spicy foods also get to me and as a woman who puts cayenne in almost everything, that is a problem. A dash in soup or marinara sauce is no problem but in Mexican style dishes complete with salsa...uh-oh. I never eat nachos or anything super fatty like that, but just the salsa and a few tortilla chips (and I am careful of portions) and the bloat is on. I suffer rounds of IBS-C and D so I never know how my body will punish me. I find C to be much worse. I will say, I never have anything that puts me to bed. As to guilt, I just worry that I have overeaten, (which will also trigger IBS) and THAT causes all sorts of guilt and recriminations... 
1. lucy33 Member
 <inline-mention username="Elizabeth Alvarez" user-id="2297012"/> I am actually amazingly strong despite everything. I had been extremely fit and was able to get in shape pretty quickly. I am a physical therapist's dream because I like exercising. Of course, I am not quite the same and I find the changes really disturbing. And although I have a great deal of energy, my stamina isn't quite what it used to be but everyone expects me to be as I was...and no doubt, I expect it of myself.. 
2. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 That's so great that you like exercising. I can relate to the stamina thing. Some things you just can't quite get back but it sounds like you are doing super well and feeling strong which is so important. -Elizabeth (team member)
corgimom Member
After years of terrible stomach pain and diarrhea, I finally just faced up to my illness and said "I'm not going to make myself sick anymore. It's not worth it." The pain disappeared, the diarrhea incidents got much farther apart, and I felt much better. I wish I could eat those yummy foods that I want, but I can't. If something tempts me, I think "What am I doing tomorrow? Do I want to spend all day in the bathroom and feel sick and miserable?" The answer is always "no" and then I can turn away from it. For me, the worst is when I eat something that I think is ok and then...and THEN...I feel the "gurgle" and I think "Oh my God, there must have been milk in it." I read labels now. Nonfat dry milk solids- which are in many foods, like Hamburger Helper, for instance- is what does it to me. That's worse than liquid milk, because the lactose is concentrated in it and not watered down. 
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="corgimom" user-id="2305768"/> Oh gosh, I can sympathize. Nothing worse than eating something you think is okay and suddenly your body telling you it isn't. I also envy your discipline. It's great you can turn away from food you know will cause symptoms. I struggle a lot with that. Keep it up! Hugs, Elizabeth (team member)
hateibs Member
 <inline-mention username="Elizabeth Alvarez" user-id="2297012"/> No not shame, just nostalgia or something. I live in constant hope, but my hopes do get dashed when I try to be my old self...many a time I have fallen into that misapprehension! I feel this. Just like you say Elizabeth, it's a comfort that means a lot to be able to eat a food we USED to eat when we were well and fine, or that reminds us of being happy and carefree. Mine is my favourite winter comfort food. I used to always love this for dinner when I had been out in a huge woods -often in the snow -with my dog when she was alive. They were very happy days indeed. My favourite winter dinner sounds simple but it was so nice: a thick broth made with split red lentils, a whole onion cut fairly big, and florets of broccoli. I would add freshly ground black peppercorns, some sage leaves, a bay leaf, and an organic stock cube. I would eat that with garlic bread with lashings of melted butter. I did once or twice try that again, back in the days when I "didn't believe" in my IBS, and decided to try "zero tolerance" with what I thought was ...me getting picky with food! Nope. I paid the price next morning. In fact I started paying the price during the same evening after I'd eaten it, with a balloon for a lower tummy (the 4 months pregnant look) and uncomfortable rumbles and wind. I can happily eat broccoli, bread, and butter now, but obviously not lentils, garlic, my tasty stock cubes or onions. Even adding sage and chives to plain vegetable when I steam them can be a bit unfriendly to my gut. Another "happy food" that I can't have any more is bubble and squeak, or even mashed potatoes with swede (a kind of large turnip we get in winter in the UK) . I used to make both those, and they were so tasty, and gorgeous grilled for that lovely toasted potato taste. Blahh....I have got used to the foods I can have now, and have managed to mostly let go of my old favourites, but I find I do miss them on a cold winter's day. 
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 The foods you miss sound so nourishing and delicious. I can see why you crave them. And like you say, a lot of it is mental. It's a reminding of times when things were great and happy. At least we all know we aren't alone in feeling this way! -Elizabeth (team member)
Adriaan Member
Hahah, I have been in this situation 1000 times. As I got older I seem to care less about it though. Everyone needs to go and younger people these days seem to be less awkward about body related discomfort and issues.
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Adriaan" user-id="4741594"/> I can agree. The younger generation doesn't find it taboo to talk about at all for the most part. -Elizabeth (team member)