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The Most Annoying Thing about IBS - The Gurgles

One of the things I find most annoying about my IBS is the gurgling sounds that come from my stomach. It doesn’t matter where I am; I could be at home, in an office meeting, at a dinner, you name it, that sound will prevail at some point. That loud bubbling sound is so annoying and can be extremely embarrassing. I think the reason why I hate that sound so much is because it’s a clear indication to not only me, but everyone else who can hear it that I’m either one of two things: hungry or in a dire need of letting a mean one rip. Now I don’t mean to get all inappropriate, but come on, we’re talking about IBS here. And we IBS sufferers know that gurgling sound can be an indication of many things such as constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating, and distension. But seriously, imagine talking to your boss, or someone you have a crush on, and out of nowhere that gurgling sound takes over the conversation. I can think of endless scenarios of when that gurgling sound creates a humiliating situation.

A poem for IBS gurgles

Now, the way I cope with my IBS sometimes is that I like to write about it in a form of storytelling, poetry, or music lyrics. Sometimes I’ll even combine all three. So today I would like to share with you all a little piece I wrote just to help brighten up our moods because we all know how stressful it can be living with this disease. Feel free to laugh and let loose a little (no pun intended). The title of this piece is called, “Mr. Gurgles”, and it is basically about me having a conversation with my IBS. Here it goes...

Mr. Gurgles

Friendly day.

More on this topic

Sunshine through sheer blinds

Brightening the room like my wife’s smile

Birds making music through their beaks

Playing along to nature’s orchestra

Life is sweet.

A blissful moment quickly taken away by a monstrous roar

Frightened by the surprise, I quickly yell, “Who goes there?!”

Suddenly, I fall in pain.

Another monstrous roar.

Mr. G: [Deep voice] “Do you not bow when the king is present?”

Me: “I bow to no one. I’m far from a peasant…

Wait, IBS is that you? Why must you be so hurtful?”

Mr. G: “No, well yes, I’m IBS, but today I go by Mr. Gurgles.”

Me: “Mr. Gurgles? What can I do for you? I have quite a big day ahead of me.

I have a job interview that I’m counting on getting, and I don’t want you to embarrass me.”

Mr. G: [Deeper voice] “Tis’ my mission to make life less jolly.

I will create noises that will make people think you need to go potty.

And in fact, you will need to go potty. (Evil laugh ‘Mwahahaha!’)”

Me: [To self] “Ok. Think positive, Hess. This will not ruin your day.”

Mr. G: “Actually, I can make you run to the toilet, and create a delay.

And to make matters worse, you’ll forget the air spray.

Your interviewer walks in after you,

Then quickly walks out no more than 2 seconds later.”

Me: “What? How do you know all of that will happen?”

Mr. G: “Trust me. I’m good like that.”

Me: “Oh, IBS, dang you!”

Mr. G: “That’s Mr. Gurgles to you!”

The End.

Ok, I know what you’re all thinking; ‘that was pretty dull, Hess’. Hey, we all have our own ways of coping with IBS, and for me, this is one of them. I think it’s important to make light of my situation because, otherwise, I’d be super depressed and miserable. Writing about my IBS in different-creative ways helps me find a balance between the positive and the negative.

With all of that being said, what to you is the worst part about having IBS, and how do you cope with it?

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