You Are Not a Burden, You Are Carrying the Burden of IBS

By Sarah Taylor

2 min read

…and sometimes that’s too heavy to carry on your own. For much of my time since having IBS, I’ve found myself saying “sorry.”

Sorry, I can’t make that event. I'm afraid I can’t eat that, I have to cancel, sorry for taking up your time. I'm sad, we can’t live a normal life because of me…

You get the gist.

I'm regularly apologizing for my IBS

I tend to hide away and push people away from me and try and deal with it on my own. I'm even worse when those flare-ups hit, which is when I need to support the most.

I’m regularly apologizing for something that’s not my fault, and something that I do often need help and support with. I’ve realized I often push them away because I can’t bear for them to see how much I’m struggling inside. Not only have I always felt like a huge burden on my loved ones but quite often the guilt hits me hard. I’m guilty that they’ve been lumped with a sick loved one. I’m guilty that on occasions they’ve had to step in and help me out. My loved ones are often offering advice on how they can help. I feel bad that they may not be able to help me or change the situation.

I’ve had IBS for over 13 years and it’s only recently that I’ve really started to learn that this is not a healthy way to be. Firstly, I’ve realized that this isn’t a healthy way to talk to my own mind. I NEED to be kinder to myself, there can only be a positive outcome by doing so. Would I speak to a friend the way I speak to my own mind? Definitely not! I know for sure that if someone I cared about suffered from a health condition I would want to offer my love and support and I certainly wouldn’t want them feeling guilty about it.

Accepting love and support

Secondly openly accepting love and support from others is totally ok to do. I know it might sound silly to most, but really feeling that feeling of being supported and cared without any guilt can help make you feel so much better. Happy thoughts can help create a happier and healthier body.

In day to day life if we have problems we often chat them through and once that problem is shared, more often than not, the burden is lightened. The same should apply to our health conditions. IBS can be a huge burden to carry on your own at times. Take a moment to take a look around you and turn to the people who are cheering you on. There really are people who are proud of you for how far you’ve come despite dealing with a health condition on a daily basis. They see you for YOU and not your IBS.

Tune into your mind and body and know when you need to ask for help, be brave and just do it. It doesn’t need to be a relative or friend, I love that we are now able to make supportive friends online who understand and are able to offer support and advice. Needing support is certainly not a weakness, getting the support can only help to make us stronger.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The IrritableBowelSyndrome.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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sonjafromnl Member
Dear Sarah, thank you for this topic, I think a lot of people with IBS are trying to deal with it. I am a member of the social media team of the Dutch patients organisation for IBS (Prikkelbare Darm Syndroom Belangenorganisatie-PDSB). Do you mind that I make a translation into Dutch and use the link to this blog post as the source? Website of our organisation: www.pdsb.nl.
1. Chris H. Community Admin
 Hi, <inline-mention user-id="2332532" username="sonjafromnl"/> - Thanks for reaching out! You have permission to translate/reprint this article as long as you include the citation below: Reprinted with permission from “You Are Not a Burden, You Are Carrying the Burden of IBS” by Sarah Taylor, 2020. <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net' target='_blank'>IrritableBowelSyndrome.net</a>, 5 March 2020, <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/living/burden' target='_blank'>https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/living/burden/</a>. © 2020 by Health Union, LLC. Thanks! Take care - Chris, <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net' target='_blank'>IrritableBowelSyndrome.net</a> Team
2. sonjafromnl Member
 Thank you Chris, I will do it this way!
emily Member
I used to get so upset with myself (for YEARS) bc of having IBS and not being able to do things. I would tell myself I was a failure as a mom and wife. I thought I was so weak bc I couldn’t or wouldn’t allow myself to go places. I talked awful to myself bc I was either in the bathroom or too afraid of the “what if” if I did go out. Then one day while having a lot of pain & trying to “get done” so I could leave the house on a road trip... I realized just how brave I was. That I was strong. Because it’s easy going and doing when you don’t have IBS. You can get up, get dressed and go without thinking about it. But people with IBS have pain, bathroom time, fighting fear just to leave your home, taking meds or carrying tp with you jic. We are BRAVE! We’re stepping out in faith no matter the “what if’s”. We are strong bc we do and go in spite of our worries and all the prepping it takes (mentally and physically). I am fortunate I have a husband and family who understand. And now I no longer tell myself I’m a failure or weak. We IBSers are strong and brave. Don’t let anyone including yourself tell you otherwise.
1. tmholland Contributor
 <inline-mention user-id="2296790" username="emily"/> , I'm so glad you were able to recognize your own bravery. In my mind it is one of the best things we can do ourselves while trying to manage illness and all the negativity that tends to surround it. You are right...we are brave and we are not alone. Thank you for your positive comments and sharing. -Todd, <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net' target='_blank'>IrritableBowelSyndrome.net</a> Team
2. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 Love this comment. We are absolutely brave. We deal with so much, and the average person would find it so hard to cope. We have to keep our heads up and continue forward always. And we always have this community to lean on for support. Sending hugs to us all! Elizabeth (team member)
hateibs Member
 Sarah, what you said " Would I speak to a friend the way I speak to my own mind? Definitely not!" is so true. I found myself also thinking the same thing. We would not give a beloved friend or loved one such a hard time as we give ourselves! When my dog ever had an upset tummy I was kind and gentle with her of course. The other day I imagined treating myself in the same way, with love. Among groups of people, or when invited to dinner parties etc, I do find that awkward, because for some reason everyone is always interested in what YOU have got on your dinner plate, instead of minding their own dinner plates! That can sometimes lead to explanations, and I have had to learn a one liner off-pat, so as not to focus the whole dinner conversation on my GUT!! There really is nothing worse. But fortunately I have a good friend who is the centre of a lively social circle and they are all lovely people. Now, she has on and off IBS for years now, so at least there is some understanding. She will usually find something sneakily low Fodmap for my dinner plate! Which just makes me smile. Love, for ourselves and others, does help.
ro24 Member
Thank you for this article. You sound just like me. I’m going through a bad flare now and find myself apologizing to everyone. 
1. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="ro24" user-id="2336059"/> I'm glad that this article resonated with you. Dealing with terrible symptoms is bad enough, but the guilt that comes with having to cancel plans and not being able to do everything we need to do makes it so much worse. 🙁 You're not alone, and it's not your fault. I hope you'll start feeling better very soon. Sending positive thoughts, Karina (team member)