When It All Becomes Too Much

How much exactly are we supposed to put up with?  With IBS and the variety of other illnesses that seem to go with it, we are forced to deal with symptom after symptom, doctor after doctor and the pure agony that these symptoms bring. I’ve come to realize, by reading many posts on this site and tons of information about IBS, that IBS is truly a spectrum disorder. The interesting thing is that, in my case at least, IBS seems to adjust to the various things I try to do to manage it. I’ve become overwhelmed, and at least today, I want to give up the pushing. I feel as though I’m constantly pushing to perform my job(s) (I have three) and take care of all of my responsibilities. I’m tired. I’m out of gas. I’m depressed. Is giving up an option?

Self-care can be difficult

Well, reaching out for help and taking an extended leave of absence, I think, might be an option. We do so much talking about self-care and when you have a serious illness it is of paramount importance to put yourself first when considering your recovery. Is it time for disability? There are so many feelings, pride, shame, worry…when considering reaching out to talk about going on disability. I do believe though, for some of us, it may be necessary. Mental health is discussed hand in hand with IBS in so many cases. As I’ve said before, I struggle with Bi-Polar disorder and extreme anxiety, which will eventually lead to extreme depression, if things remain in chaos long enough. I’m tired of excusing myself from meetings, explaining why I can’t eat and drink certain things, dealing with excruciating pain at least four mornings a week. I’m bull headed too…hence the PUSHING…and honestly, I’m starting to worry about myself. I attend regular therapy sessions and have tried to use all of my coping skills to come to some stability with my thought process about my IBS. It’s just that it has taken such a toll on my self-image that some days I forget who I am. Combine that with all the physical symptoms and it becomes very difficult to do the things you need to do to take care of yourself.

Put yourself first

What I’m trying to get across here, is that even though we have heard the words ‘put yourself first’ when dealing with an illness, I’m not sure that all that many of us really do it. We’re concerned about our jobs, our kids, our parents, our significant others first…not ourselves. It seems selfish to put yourself first. But when things start breaking down in your life, you really do have to do what’s best for you in that moment, regardless of the things you may need to neglect. Pushing too hard can lead to incapacitation. If we are incapacitated, we are no good to those that we want to help or support. I have some hard thinking to do right now and I thank you for letting me rant. It’s just all so frustrating sometimes. Know what I mean?