Did I Do This To Myself?

Hello, I just came upon this site and thought I would share. I am 34 years old, female, no children. Currently not working (disability).

I struggled with eating disorders all throughout my teen years and early 20's. I got married right after high school and weighed about 240 lbs... I had been put on a lot of different psychiatric meds for depression and self-harming behaviors and most of them caused weight gain. I decided to go on an extreme diet starting January 1st, 2006.

Extreme diet

The diet was something I got my hands on via my dad's doctor, who was evaluating him for weight loss surgery. This particular diet plan was designed to shed weight FAST, but NOT to sustain a person. 800 calories a day, only water for liquids and lots of it. Following this diet did take the weight off fast. I remember within the first month (which was as long as the diet was designed to be followed) I lost about 30 lbs, and was getting so many compliments and it felt really good. Getting rid of refined sugar got rid of my desire to eat it.

I didn't stop the diet until it had been about 8 months and I had gotten down to 160. I wasn't really seeing a doctor at that time (being 19-20 years old and uninsured, there weren't many options). I was working hard, was active even though I never added any extra physical activity to my weight loss regimen.

IBS taking control

So as I started re-introducing foods to myself once I was satisfied with my weight, I noticed that everything seemed to have changed. It seemed like as soon as I would even swallow food I was running to the bathroom and having crazy diarrhea. I couldn't go out to eat at a restaurant because everything, no matter how light and dainty, was wreaking havoc on me so quickly.

I did go to a doctor eventually that year and was diagnosed with IBS. But there was never any follow up.

Over the years, it has taken control. I am currently not adhering to many good habits... I'm sitting here sipping on my second cup of coffee. The medications my doctor has me on for psychiatric issues can't be helpful either - but what am I going to do, stop taking my meds to alleviate the constant digestive issues? That's a choice I'd be kind of terrified to make.

I know, I know, I need a better doctor or specialist. I need a colonoscopy. I have basic state health insurance, which covers a little of everything. The drawback of course is there is ONE specialist they cover. I won't go on with making excuses here though. I really just... need to share and also to read other people's experiences. I desperately need to get rid of the stubborn thought that going to the doctor is scary and bad.

Thank you for reading my story!

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