IBS Made Me Hate My life

I love my personality, I love my body but I've been hating my life from the time of high school when I first had my IBS trauma. I was attending as usual the sport class when suddenly I couldn't control a gas explosion, not noisy but smelly. My classmates understood it was me because everyone was complaining about the smell except me, I was paralyzed and very red. That day I went home in a shock shameful state and everything changed for worse. My whole life has been a nightmare from that day. I had no friends anymore, everyone was reluctant to sit close to me and they often used to make fun of me. I cried every single day because of the shame and the fact that now everyone considered me smelly.

Just the beginning

That was only the beginning, because with time I got anxious of being close to people in closed environment, and every time this happened my brain sent signals to my intestine and the trauma would repeat itself. So the usual symptoms were an urgent need to let out the gas and to go to the bathroom. When I'm in the most anxious state I can't control my body to keep the gas in even for some seconds, so you can imagine how many times I've been through embarrassing episodes that has literally ruined my existence.

Need new intestines

Right now I'm 32 in a full time job, but I can't have the luxury to stay home and not work being in a bad economic situation. In fact last year has been one of the worst of my life: I got married and I feel miserable. At work is even worse since I'm everyday anxious because of my IBS which has converted me in the "jolly" of some people there. All the time I think about solutions that can change my life completely but even projected in my mind they seem so far away to achieve: psychological consult I tried it once but didn't work. I just need a new intestine and erase the memories of the last 17 years :D

Turning back to reality, what would help me: effective pills, a new job, and a stabilized matrimonial life. I'm sceptic this will happen soon. Also I am so sick and tired of undergoing to the same circumstances over and over again.

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