Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
As I’ve mentioned before, I seem to be caught in an endless, vicious cycle of anxiety and stress causing significant IBS flare ups. These flare-ups are almost always accompanied by extreme malaise, muscle aches, and chills. I realized this morning that this has been going on for a year and honestly, I’M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED. Sounds like a blues song and it is. I try very hard to watch what I eat and take care of my mental health, but it never seems to be enough. I am not PERFECT. I am frustrated because I cannot get a diagnosis for this. The best I’ve gotten is the ‘mind-gut’ explanation and while very interesting, this is not much use when I seem to call out of work once a month. As bad as I feel, I refuse to give up, because this is my life and not the disorder’s. Please allow me to vent and try to explain what my plan is going forward. If the article stops at some point and there is nothing but a blank space, it means I had a panic attack and am heading for the asylum. I kid...
Getting back on the horse
First, let me acknowledge the fact that I know many of you have been through similar troubles for a much longer time than one year. I congratulate you on your fortitude and if you are reading this, it means you are here on this site looking for answers, stories, camaraderie, and support. Good for you. Please continue the efforts. I am proud to be counted among ye warriors… At this moment, it is obvious to me that what I have accomplished up to this point is simply not enough and certain changes need to happen. It is so easy to end up feeling sorry for yourself and want to give up. I won’t give up because I realize my life is precious. I do have moments when I feel sorry for myself. I was a blithering mess this morning. This afternoon, however, I am back on the horse and looking at my next move. I have already ended my relationship with my therapist because we had obviously come to a place where she was simply unable to help me anymore. We had spent a long time together and I feel the loss. Even still, I look forward to new beginnings. This, I feel, will be good. A lot of work to build a new relationship, but in the end, I know it will bear fruit. This is step 1. I have also admitted to myself that my psychiatric medication is simply not holding me. I would prefer to be medication free but admitted to myself a while ago that this was simply irresponsible. I need to try a new medication regimen, I don’t like it, but it may end up being the key to stopping this cycle of anxiety/stress to IBS flare.
Staying positive with change
My diet is good I believe and I have cut down on the coffee significantly. I know, I know…’YOU’RE STILL DRINKING COFFEE???’. Yes, I admitted that I wasn’t perfect. It’s interesting how many people I’ve met with anxiety disorders that drink caffeine and smoke. It seems ridiculous, but it’s true. These are just very unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have a hard time giving up coffee completely because I do not drink alcohol. For me, it is a substitute. Well, I think I’m ready to find another one. A healthier one. You see, it is not enough that I cut my coffee intake down from 100 ounces a day to 20. It’s not enough that I stopped drinking caffeine after dinner. It’s not enough that I eat well and exercise. It’s just not enough. I need to accept this, congratulate myself for what I have done and keep looking, keep tweaking, keep researching and keep breathing. Thanks for listening and I’ll let you know what I find out.
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