IBS, Anxiety, hypochondriasis...
My story began 28 years ago, during the war in our country. Lack of food, PTSD, fear, ...it caused problems with my intestines, but I never had just intestinal problems. They were very peculiar - nausea, trembling, hot and extremely smelly stools, cold sweats...it would all stop the minute all of the stool went out. Then it would be as if nothing has happened. But, I started avoiding eating lots of food out of fear of repeating those ghastly symptoms so I lost weight.
Losing weight
And, from the moment I lost it, I have never been able to gain any more than 2-3 kg, if even that. But, whenever I have a flareup I lose some weight, especially because my IBS, which is worse in spring and autumn, makes my F diagnosis go worse, I start panicking, become extremely nervous and afraid that something is wrong and that I am going to die. I see myself in the mirror rotting away and I get so scared, and so on and so on, in a circle...It is extremely difficult to live with.
Wanting a normal life
I drank antidepressants for years and Prozac helped. But, now that we don't have Prozac in Croatia anymore, I can't stand any other medicines, so I try to struggle with it on my own. I am afraid it is going to drain me till the end. How do you fight fear of illness and dying? I want a normal life.
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