Today, I Find Myself Full of Anger
Since the beginning, my struggle with IBS has had me running a gauntlet of negative emotions. Fear, depression, anxiety, frustration and most recently; anger. I have tried looking for a pattern to these emotions in an effort to understand the cycle as it relates to my IBS, but sadly, I see no such pattern. No step by step, stages of emotion…just chaos. I have the tools I need to manage this roller coaster, but it certainly doesn’t mean that I have this all under control. All I know is that today, I’m just really angry. It’s not the self-pitying kind either…did that last month :-). No, this is just seething, brain burning anger. I’m not angry with myself, God or my lot in life. I am simply and irrevocably pissed off at IBS.
A Shakespearean hate
I hate IBS with the white hot passion of a thousand burning suns. Yes, folks this stuff has gotten…SHAKESPEAREAN. IBS has taken my life and I want it back. I know that anger is powerful stuff and should be handled with care. I do believe, however, that anger can be used to one’s advantage if you don’t hold on to it for too long. One of my favorite quotes is from Emerson. Paraphrased, it basically says that the amount of time you stay angry, is the amount of time you could have been at peace. Now, I believe that, don’t you? Staying angry doesn’t help anything, but you are angry for a reason, right? This is one of our most primal, natural emotions and it exists for a reason. I read an article recently about four different types of anger: Defensive, Frustrated, Outraged and Aggressive. Because I have taken to looking at IBS as an entity rather than a disorder, I believe that I feel each and every one of these types of anger in relation to IBS. I feel defensive anger because I feel like I’m being attacked. I feel frustrated anger for obvious reasons. I feel outraged that someone should have to deal with something that is so disgusting at times. And I feel aggressive anger because I want to kill IBS. I really do.
Enough is enough
Now that my hate has been exercised, let me say why I think that anger can be used in a constructive way. Anger means that you are unhappy and discontented. The power of this negative emotion can be sometimes be channeled into positive change. The energy of the anger can be the catalyst for change. Each and every one of us has things that we can change to promote our own wellness. Perhaps, if you are angry enough, fed up to the point of exploding, you will get to the point where you say…ENOUGH ALREADY. At this point, try to let the anger go and do something about it. The truth is, that we can’t have complete control over IBS. But we do have a say in our own care and how we approach this disorder. So have your say…and tell IBS where it can go. At least until the next time IBS tells you where you can go. Joke. Until next time.