Explaining My IBS to My Children

"Why is Daddy always in the bathroom?"
"I want to show Daddy something, but he's in the bathroom again."
"Where's Daddy? I want to play with him."
"Daddy, are you almost done in the bathroom?"

These are the words I often hear from the other side of the bathroom door.

As my kids grow, parenting with IBS changes

The last time I wrote about parenting with IBS for IrritableBowelSyndrome.net, my son was 2 and my daughter had just been born. They were obviously too young to understand what I was going through at the time.

But now my children are 7 and 5, and their wonderful, curious little eyes and minds are taking in everything. Somehow, it seems like every time my kids want to show me something, like their artwork, something funny, or “cool” to them, I'm in the bathroom.

Talk about the inconvenience of parenting with IBS.

How I told my kids I have IBS

Last summer, my kids finally learned that their dad has a chronic condition called irritable bowel syndrome. I remember the first conversation my wife and I had with them about it clearly. It started with my youngest asking my wife while I was on the porcelain throne, "Why is Daddy always using the bathroom?"

To be clear, I wouldn't say "always." Sheesh, I hope she never repeats that in public!

I just tend to be in the bathroom at the most inconvenient moments, and since she wants me almost all the time, I guess that must make it feel like I'm in there constantly.

My wife answered her calmly and simply. She told her that Daddy has an illness, that he has stomach problems that make his tummy hurt and cause him to use the bathroom often, and that he can't help it.

My son was in the room too, and without missing a beat, he asked, "Wait, so does Daddy have diarrhea every day?"

Mind you, I could hear the whole conversation from the bathroom as I was getting ready to come out.

Their love, acceptance, and curious questions about IBS

When I eventually walked into the room, both kids rushed toward me at the same time, hugging me and showing me love and care the moment they realized Daddy was dealing with something real. They both fired off questions at once.

"Daddy, do you have diarrhea every day?"

"Daddy, is your tummy hurting right now?"

I love their curiosity and concern, because it opened the door to one of the best teachable moments we've had as a family.

Through that one conversation, my wife and I were able to talk to our kids about empathy, biology, and taking care of your health.

When my IBS symptoms flare, my kids understand

Now, when my symptoms flare up and I need to rest, my daughter will fix my pillows before I lay down, pull the covers over me, and ask if I want anything just to make sure I'm taken care of. She is so naturally nurturing and caring. I really lucked out as a dad.

And as for those questions, they come up much less now. My kids have learned to adapt in their own ways.

My daughter's version of adapting? If she wants to show me her artwork while I'm on the porcelain throne, she just slides it under the bathroom door instead of waiting. Her excitement is always so giddy and impatient that it makes me smile every single time, no matter how I'm feeling.

It's her way of saying, "Daddy, I'm going to show you love and care no matter what."

And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.