Everyone Else's Expectations

I have said several times as we have gone along that we should all concern ourselves less with external expectations. By external, I mean expectations coming from everywhere and everyone but ourselves. We all have personal, internal expectations, which can be healthy, or not, depending on what those expectations are based on and how we perceive them. This is enough to deal with while trying to manage an illness like IBS.

Our ability to set appropriate expectations and goals for ourselves is difficult enough without adding others expectations to the equation. I don’t mean that we should ignore advice or other people’s perspectives. I am simply stating that as far as expectations go, our main concern should be our own. By trying to live up to someone else’s ideas about where we should go, how we should go or what we will do when we get there, we are adding an additional complication to an already complicated situation.

People love to give their opinion

What are ‘everyone else’s expectations’ exactly? Well, it’s what EVERYONE ELSE thinks is best for us and what EVERYONE ELSE expects from us. While it is important to evaluate your responsibilities in this life, it also important to establish, ON YOUR OWN, the best way for you to respond to these responsibilities. They are your responsibilities and yours alone. In my experience, people love to give their opinion. Hell, I’m giving mine right now. This is ok.

As I alluded, there is no need to be negative or rude towards someone who thinks they are trying to help or has certain thoughts about your life. It means they care in one way or another. There are the people that care because they love you and want what’s ‘best’ and there are those that you have a more formal relationship, like at work for instance, that have expectations about your performance and what is ‘required’ of you. I will say again, your responsibilities are important, but this has nothing to do with your attention to your responsibilities. This is all about evaluating your own situation and doing your very best to set your own goals and expectations. The external expectations are clear, but it is up to us to decide how and if we choose to act on them.

I’m sure that because of the pain, fatigue and worry that IBS causes, that it is sometimes difficult to think clearly and logically about our best course of action. We have so many balls in the air sometimes that it makes it nearly impossible to get everything exactly right. When you have all these balls in the air and someone is shouting instructions about the best way to catch them, you will surely have several balls bouncing on the floor.

What to do about external instructions and thoughts?

Once we have established what our responsibilities are, to ourselves and to others, we can come up with our own game plan. On any given day this can be subject to change depending on how our illness is treating us. All we can do with outside thoughts about our lives is listen, take what is helpful or necessary and release the rest. This is very important to a healthy mind. If we hold on to every little instruction, thought or bit of advice anyone gives us, we will begin to develop a cluttered mind. We don’t need a cluttered mind or a MORE cluttered mind while dealing with IBS. IBS is enough. So smile and listen, thank all these nice folks for their support and thoughts. Then go back to your own plan and see if any of it fits. If not, just keep moving. That’s all we can do. Hopefully, it will be as easily done, as said.