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is it ibs ?

I have had symptoms since i were 14 years old i am now 20. They would always follow the same pattern. They would begin either in September (begging of school year) or May to June (exams). This year iI started studying abroad which had been really stressful. Last year with the pandemic and everything i spent most of my time at home and i didn't have much to be stressed about. I have noticed that symptoms are stress related and i have also been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, health anxiety and ocd.
Generally the symptoms during a flare include diarrhea or loose stool ( 3-6 times daily) cramps before bowel movement and urgency to go to the bathroom. There is also some mucus and sometimes indigested food. The texture is somewhere between mushy and loose but when i try to monitor my diet i manage to reduce bathroom visits and texture tends to be between mushy and normal. Usually an alternation of those too. The thing that worries me is that sometimes after about a week into my flare i start noticing small amounts of pinkish blood on toilet paper. It is usually associated with straining so when i try not to strain i don't notice it. It stops when my flare becomes more severe and i don't remeber seeing blood outside of a flare. I asked a doctor about it last year and they said it is probably an irritation or the rectum. Last month when i traveled back to college for my final exams a flare started again. It is still going but it is relatively mild. (bristol chart type 5 and sometimes a little mushy) and i notice it get worse whenever i drink coffee or become really stressed. Last months when it started i used to spend hours every day googling my symptoms becoming stressed and waisting time not studying so i would become more anxious. It is a vicious cycle.
I went to the doctor she said it is almost a typical ibs image but because of the occasional blood we need to rule out a possible mild colitis. Ibd has more severe symptoms, like too much pain and waking you up at night and a lot of blood which i do not have. I asked her if she thinks it might be cancer because tbh this is what i am thinking 24|7 and i am going out of my mind. She said not to worry about that she never saw anyone my aga with bowel cancer and that my symptoms (being same level mild for years) would not indicate that. But i spend hours online reading stories of 20 somethings being diagnosed with all kinds of sicknesses and i am going crazy. My anxiety the last month is out of control, my ocd is also barely managable. My period is also 10 days late (surely not pregnant) and i have some hair loss , which also make me think i have something serious. I should get a blood test to see signs of inflammation to know if ibd is a possibility according to my doctor. When i was ready to do it my wisdom tooth became painful and inflammed and i was told i should wait because this could confuse the blood work.
So sorry for the long question i guess i am not getting anything out of this because only medical tests will give me an answer. I just feel like i am loosing my mind and it is a matter i can not completely share with anyone , i am even ashamed to talk about poop with my therapist. Only my mom knows exactly what is happening but she is saying i am being over the top like with everything else (i always think i am going to die and i have been to many doctors and they all said i am ok). But with is i have been scared for years so scared that i can't deal with it and i am scared that doctors will tell me it is too late know.
Please feel free to share your stories and opinions.

  1. I'm so sorry you're going though this. It is no fun and you are completely valid in everything you feel. I can't offer medical advice but I can offer you this My advice to you is first stop trying to diagnose and scaring yourself on google. It'll only make your anxiety worse. I do the same thing and my anxiety has improved ever since I started going down rabbit holes. You are not alone in this. If you can speak to your therapist about this it could really help! Even if you came up with a word to replace "poop" with that could make it easier. It is a life-long process but try to tell yourself that you're okay and that you are not alone. If you aren't already feel free to join our Facebook group and talk to people there! We are always here to support you. I wish you the best. Cheers, Michaela ( Team Member)

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