My Boston Butt Troubles
Last updated: August 2022
My girlfriend and I had been driving back from Boston. It’s where she went to grad school, so I figured this would be a great place for our first trip together as a fairly new couple. Old memories for her and new ones for us! It was super exciting, getting to go away for a few days and see the sights, eat some local food, and enjoy each other’s company without any diarrhea.
Food adventures in Boston
Two Imodium a day usually keep the gurgles away. We got pesto chicken sandwiches at Quincy Market with no problem. Clam chowder and Haddock in a little restaurant off the street, not a rumble. Full-on Italian food with garlic and a glass of Cab. Cabaret? It's Cabernet Sauvignon. I had to look it up. Yeah… I never eat this stuff out of fear of retribution! I usually eat bland vegetables with salmon wherever I go. I do not enjoy my meals, but I at least get THROUGH them.
I hardly had a turd for the 3 days we were together.
Naturally, I thought I became some sort of tummy Adonis and decided that halfway through our 4-hour car ride back from Boston, I wanted some breakfast food at a diner. If I had known that my meal consisted of a scrambled egg and 3 types of meats, I probably would not have ordered it. But I scarfed it down with a cup of black coffee to keep me awake during the trip.
The infamous IBS rumble and urgency
We left after I tried using the bathroom twice. I felt a rumble. A harmless rumble from that Imodium holding all my poop back, telling me that it was going to be OK. That we could get through anything together.
Not 20 minutes into our drive back, a wave of nausea came over me like a tsunami. I felt clammy and my stomach churned for death.
I had to go, NOW! My girlfriend calmly reassured me that there was a Target store 17 minutes away. In the opposite direction, on the highway.
I frantically clutched the steering wheel and sped 75 miles per hour, trying to hold it in. She told me everything was going to be OK, and that IF I needed to pull over I could. With every cramp and dilation, I surveyed the shoulder, looking for a patch of woods to poop. Was this how our trip was going to end? A magical vacation ending with imminent butt death? No.
I did everything I could. I rhythmically breathed, tapped on the steering wheel, and said nothing as we finally, painstakingly, made it to the store.
I parked and tumbled out of the driver's seat, making it to the toilet in time.
Travel lessons learned
Even recalling these events is making my stomach groan. This was a teachable moment for me, in 2 respects. For one, I shouldn't have eaten all that trash. I knew it was a long trek back, and I risked it all thinking I could have eggs, meats, and COFFEE, while on the highway, not again. My second takeaway was how amazing it was being supported. Judgment is something that comes aplenty when you have IBS; it can be incredibly toxic. So, it is such a breath of fresh air when somebody has your back and will not let your digestive process take away from a lovely trip.
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