No one believes me

By salsa7

4 min read

My story begins in May 2013, one day I was lying on the sofa and I remember feeling the most excruciating pain and the urge to rush to the toiler that I couldn't ignore. This was my first ever IBS attack and It lasted for over 2 hours. Once It was over I was drained, I had been zapped of all my energy and could barely keep my eyes open as all I wanted to do was sleep but I still had a dull pain in my stomach ( This happens after every one of my attacks). I remember being scared as I didn't understand what was going on and because the pain was so severe and fluctuating in and out. I thought it was just a one off but it carried on for weeks, my parents told me it was nothing to worry about and It was just something I ate.

"Nothing was wrong with me"

Fast forward to 2 years later and I have finally pestered my parents enough to go to the doctor that they take me. I outline everything that happens and how debilitating it has been for me and I break down into tears in front of the doctor, only to be met with the answer It's your body growing into a woman and getting ready to start your period. I knew this was wrong but it had planted that seed of doubt in my head which made me wonder whether it was all in my head and I was being stupid, It was just my body hitting puberty right? I carry on the next 3 years waiting for this pain to just stop by the onset of my period but by this point it has got so bad that I was in fear of leaving my house to go to school or even spend time with my friends.

I had stomach attacks at school, at home and even when I was out and away from home. Sometimes these would carry on every evening for weeks and it would make me associate a certain time with the onset of a stomach attack or it would happen every Saturday so I associated that day with a stomach attack (I did dance on Saturdays and as my mum thought I was fine and told me nothing was wrong with me then I had to go and It made me very miserable and unhappy not to mention anxious and I tended to have attacks). This made me petrified to leave my house but whenever I explained it to someone I was always told the pain was in my head and there was nothing wrong with me. This was so damaging to my mental health and I developed severe anxiety to the point where I never wanted to leave my house in fear of having a stomach attack and whenever I was away from my house (my safe place) I would always be on edge and ridiculously nervous so I could never concentrate or enjoy myself.

Not all in my head

I finally went back to the doctors and got an appointment with a different doctor in hopes that they could help me and tell me it wasn't all in my head because by this point I was so confused and I was so upset because I felt very alone and like no one believed me. But luckily I got an appointment with the nicest doctor who told me it wasn't all in my head and that they were here to help me. The next 6 months consisted of blood tests and ultrasounds that revealed nothing. I have never been more happy but sad at the same time because It meant that I didn't have all these very severe diseases they were testing me for but it also meant that I didn't have any answers. I also was given different types of medication and had to work my way up to find what actually worked for me. My doctor finally told me that once we had eliminated many of the other bowel diseases that I had exerted symptoms of that I had IBS and once we knew this it meant that we could focus on medication and try and find out what works best for me.

Need my family to understand

This leads us up to now, I am on steady medication 3 times a day every day which has significantly helped and my anxiety has got a lot better since my symptoms have reduced significantly but I still find that no one believes me. My illness is my weak point and even though I'm surrounded by friends who I've opened up to and who understand, my family don't. My Mum regularly tells me It's all in my head and I don't have anything wrong with me because all the tests came back clear. Sometimes she cooks food that contains food I know I can't have and this means that I can't eat dinner so she tells me I'm just being picky and refusing to eat food but she doesn't understand and her constantly telling me that I'm not ill and I make it all up is really detrimental to me and makes me start doubting myself. I already have trouble not knowing what I can and can't eat and this is made significantly worse when I have to eat food I can't have because my parents refuse to adapt the food because I'm apparently making it all up and it isn't worth it.

I have a big family and I understand that they can't just make a separate meal for me but if they would adapt that would make my life better and I would be able to control my IBS a lot easier. I don't know what to do because I really do need my parents to believe me but I'm starting to doubt myself again and It's making me constantly upset because in a sense I am stuck. If anyone could provide any advice or help it would be greatly appreciated (also relating to diet and things that can help if you avoid etc).

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tmholland Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="2297145" username="salsa7"/> , It took a lot of courage to share your story, thank you. The idea that 'no one believes' us is a common thought among those of us who suffer with IBS and other stomach related disorders. I'm very glad that you were finally able to find a doctor who was able to help a bit. I can also relate to the concern that your family will not support you in the way that you need. Continue to advocate for yourself and try to make yourself as comfortable as you can. You deserve it. I am including an article about a common 'IBS Diet' approach. Everyone has different triggers and it may take some time to find the diet that works best for you. Hopefully, you find some answers. The people and information here on this site should provide, at the very least, a place to feel welcome and understood. Thanks again, for sharing. -Todd, <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net' target='_blank'>IrritableBowelSyndrome.net</a> Team <a href='https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/ibs-diet' target='_blank'>https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/ibs-diet/</a>
not found
Hi <inline-mention user-id="2297145" username="salsa7"/> , It took my family a very long time to believe what I have. I used to cancel On so many occasions our plans to go to mall, dinner, movies etc in the past and still now. Still some don't believe. But my mom only started believing it when she heard that someone she knew, her daughter, was struggling. This wasn't to long ago, and I was diagnosed back in 2004. That story of the special diets that mother was having to adjust to for her daughters condition. It's hard to have ibs, but it's harder when you feel you don't have support from your family.... I've been there. I've found it helpful to cook everything from scratch because I know my trigger foods and it's helped me. I don't think I will be symptom free, I'm able to manage better this way. Still get my flares, but hoping they don't come everyday. Hope your feeling better today.
doro Member
I'm so sorry you are having this trouble being believed, on top of the burden of pain and anxiety connected to IBS. I think you are in an especially tough position because you are still dependent on your family. I would suggest that you look for as many outside sources of support as you need. It's possible your doctor's office knows of other supports for teens with this disorder. If you can, you might want to see a counselor so you have someone on your side supporting you. Perhaps your school counselors or doctor's office knows of sources of free counseling that could help. There are many medically related support groups these days so you might be able to find something. It's always uncertain whether you can get your family to acknowledge what is going on for you. You can consider asking your mother to talk to your doctor directly about what is happening. Maybe your doctor could give your mom information and a pep talk about how her approach adds to your problems. You may be in a situation where your mom and other family members are set against acknowledging illness or anything they consider imperfections. I suspect this isn't the first time your mother has tried to make you feel bad about your feelings and experiences. In this situation I would be thinking about what my mother has to lose if she lets my pain and distress be real. I'm rooting for you to get the support you need!
pama425 Member
Do not let their actions make you doubt yourself. You are sick and they need to adapt. Life will be better when you have more control over your own diet. Good lick!
Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="2297145" username="salsa7"/> , I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. my heart goes out to you. It must be so hard when your family doesn't acknowledge your pain, especially at your age, where their support is everything. Have you tried having your doctor speak with them? Obviously what you are going through is not all in your head and your doctor knows this first hand. I would see if you can get him/her to speak with your family in order to educate them a bit on your situation. Deep breaths. You are doing the best you can and you are so strong to endure the physical pain you are going through, as well as the emotional. As far as diet, for me personally I feel the best when I avoid diary, sugar and wheat products. I also have to keep tomato sauce at a minimum. Are you able to cook for yourself? Maybe this is a hobby you can take up? Make small meals for yourself and that way the stress of not being able to eat can lesson. Just a thought. Let us know how you have been doing since you've made this post. Rooting for you, Elizabeth (team member)