The Perfect Vacation

As an IBS sufferer, traveling and going on vacation can sometimes be a nightmare. Whether I’m traveling by plane, car, bus, or even if I’m already at a beautiful resort, my anxiety and stomach pain are usually the most difficult to deal with when I’m away from home. The circumstances are typically the same and my symptoms can be very hard to manage due to factors out of my control (for example: food options). So, what would a perfect vacation be like? If I had to answer that question, it would feel like I’m talking about a fantasy; but nonetheless, since I like to be hopeful, here is my answer…

Getting ready for my vacation…

First off, waking up WHEN my alarm clock goes off as opposed to waking up BEFORE my alarm goes off would be a miracle. Also, using the bathroom once in the morning as opposed to 2-3 times, and experiencing a COMPLETE bowel movement would be another miracle. I would be able to drink a nice, big cup of coffee and eat a decent breakfast while having no urgency to run to the toilet, and no pain or bloat would occur after. After I’m all packed, I can make my way to my vacation stress-free and anxiety-free. No need to pack any meds, and away we go!

On the way…

No matter the form of transportation, I will be comfortable in my own skin because I’m feeling healthy and relaxed. Worrying about climbing over people on the airplane, or getting off on several exits while on a road trip just to use a restroom would not be a concern whatsoever. I can control my bowel movements and no amount of stress will create havoc inside my body. I will either enjoy the scenery while traveling or just sleep so that by the time I make it to my destination I will have enough energy to enjoy myself.

Time to party baby!

Once I’m finally at my vacation-spot, and for every day that I’m there, I will order a shot of cognac with a side of beer, and party like I was in college again, baby! I’ll let loose like I have tons of energy. I’ll dance the night away with my wife - bust out dance moves I’ve never tried before and look like an idiot, but I wouldn’t care because I’ll be living in the moment. I’ll even eat whatever I please without the worry of having to use the toilet 4-5 times after the meal. And because I didn’t use the toilet so much, I’ll be able to sit on my behind with ease, which is a HUGE deal for me. Not needing a pillow to sit on would be another miracle.

My vacation nights…

When I finally decide to call it a night after good times of partying and enjoying myself with my wife, I will be able to have a romantic evening with no interruption from IBS whatsoever. I’ll then be able to go to sleep like a baby, and not be woken up three hours into my sleep by painful gas or an agonizing need to use the toilet. (TMI, I know.) I’ll then be able to wake up and do it all over again.

Honestly, I feel like this would be a regular vacation for a normal person. However, since I’m not so normal, this is what I would call a perfect vacation for a person like me.

What’s your idea of a perfect vacation?