Moving back to Illinois has given me more options for getting answers about my medical problems. Lately, it seems one thing gets better, and something else decides to act up. While my IBS seems to be finally getting a tiny bit better, my back and hips decide to act up.
Seeking answers about painful symptoms
Luckily, I have found a good primary doctor who does seem to listen and care. I’m working hard on figuring out how to make the most of this life I have with minimal pain and more mobility. My provider has started the process of getting the MRIs. I need to see why I am having some of my issues. To say I am scared is an understatement, but this is just one step to getting the answers we need.
My mobility is getting worse
I am what most people would call a recluse. I stay to myself and at home 90 percent of the time. I want to say mostly because I just like being home because I do, but I am scared of not being home. COVID could be another excuse, but really, it’s not. The main reason I don’t leave my house is that I fear having an accident in public. Not just IBS, recently I have been having issues with my bladder. My back and hip one second can be fine and with no pain, and the next, I’m unable to walk or move much at all. For a 35-year-old, this is the most embarrassing thing that can and does happen to me.
I can work on myself, eat better, and exercise more, but I have no idea if something more than I already know is wrong. What I am doing isn't fixing me, so I am doing what I need to do to get answers. This is hard. I hate asking for help from anyone, but I am desperate. Not just for me, but my daughter. I need to know what is going on with me to be a better mom for her. I want to be able to go out and do things without worry. To travel and show her the world and be able to walk while doing it. I have hit my medical rock bottom, and right now, there’s nowhere to go but up.
Looking ahead to more tests
I could sit here and wallow in what I can’t do and enjoy but I am looking at the bright side. I am doing what I need to do to get better. The thought of having the MRIs done and finding something that can’t be fixed or something that could be genetic is scary. But living like I am now with the pain and other issues is too much. It isn’t fair to me or Z.
No matter how much I worry, I just remember this is the first step to being a better mom and me. She deserves better and will have better. No matter what.
Are you going through the process of getting medical tests to find answers as well?
Do you have difficulties with setting boundaries and saying no?