New Year - New Parenting Style

I have written before about my daughter. 2021 was a turning point in our relationship. She is 14, and anyone who has a teenage daughter knows how hard it can be to parent them. They feel like they are adults, but mentally, they don't understand they aren't grown yet. I remember vividly my cousin calling our house when I was around 5, in a panic, and asking for my older brother or my mom. I remember asking what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me and just wanted them. In my mind, I remember thinking to myself, "Why won't she just tell me? I'm grown."

Adult decisions

Again at 19, when I thought it was a great idea to move off to Florida from Tennessee, I thought, "I'm grown. I can do what I want." Now I am 35, almost 36, and feel like I'm a kid going through the motions of adulthood. If I have a big decision to make, I tend to call my sister because she feels more of an adultier adult than I am. Isn't it crazy how we feel that way sometimes? I try to remember these feelings when I am parenting. It can be hard, especially when that teenager's attitude shows, but I try to tell myself that she mentally feels like an adult and be sensitive to that.

What really made me change things was a conversation I had recently. When unable to read or crochet, I have an online game I play to pass the time. Talking to one of the other players, we talked about age and such. She is 19, and my first thought was, "oh my gosh, you are still a baby." I said it without thinking, and then I thought back to how I felt at 19 when people would say that to me and how much I hated it. I apologized right away, and they thanked me. Everyone knows the saying think before you speak. Yeah, I have a hard time with that. In theory, it sounds good but in reality, who takes the time to think out everything they say in every conversation? I know I haven't in the past.

Making sure doctors take us seriously

My biggest goal for 2022 is to be a better mom than I have been in the past. To be sensitive to others' feelings and THINK BEFORE I SPEAK. Something that seems so small can make others feel defeated or not seen and appreciated. Calling my 14-year-old a kid offends her. In her mind, she is not a child, but she will always be two walking around talking to her Didda (my sister). Using the term teenager instead of child or kid makes her feel better, so I will acknowledge that and be careful with my words.

The biggest change I want to make is listening to her better and making her really feel heard. We talk about our doctors making us feel like just another patient on the books for the day but never stop to think about how we listen and talk to our children. For us, me just saying, "I understand how you feel, but..." Has really helped me and Z this last year. I hope to keep moving in the right direction and strengthen our relationship more.

Do you feel like sometimes you tend to react or speak without thinking first?