No Rhyme or Reason to IBS
Who here doesn’t know the frustration of doing everything right, avoiding all triggers, and still ending up with an IBS flare? I sure do. It’s a familiar struggle, especially when flare-ups seem to defy all logic.
Inexplicable flares
Inexplicable flares that happen despite everything I do to prevent them are the worst. They’re accompanied by a terrible feeling of anxiety because they make me feel completely out of control. Like nothing I can do will ever guarantee a single good day. Like flares can hit at any time, without any reason whatsoever. At times like these, all I want is to crawl into bed and never come out because I don’t want to risk making any plans when they’ll get ruined by my IBS anyway.
Unlike inexplicable flares, I can deal with a flare after indulging in a trigger food. Then, I can curse my past self for being so reckless. Vow to never make that mistake again. Promise myself to only eat safe foods from now on, because the agony just isn’t worth it.
Similarly, I can comprehend anxiety-induced flares. They’re horrible to deal with and difficult to stop, but at least I know why I’m suffering. And there’s an end in sight. I know that once that event I’m dreading is over, I will feel better. So, while I’m still struggling to cope, I can focus on trying to calm my mind. Or, if all else fails, just wait it out.
But flares that happen for no reason? Those are vicious. I can spend hours ruminating over what I could have possibly done wrong, making my anxiety spiral, aggravating my IBS symptoms even more. This vicious cycle leaves me feeling hopeless, nauseous, frustrated, and in pain.
Inexplicable good days
Then, there are also the random good days that happen. Or even good weeks. Good months. I’ll be stressed, but no flare—at least not really. I’ll eat more vegetables in one serving than I probably did in the entire last month, and nothing. What’s happening? I don’t know. I didn’t do anything different. My lifestyle has been far from perfect, and yet there they are: random, out-of-the-blue IBS-free days that I didn’t deserve.
Just as inexplicable flares feel frustrating, sudden good days also cause uncertainty. While it feels great, amazing even, to eat what I want without consequences, this sudden relief doesn’t make me feel safe. I like seeing results from something I’ve done right. Like all the diet and lifestyle changes I made. A new remedy I tried. The work I did on my mental health. That’s when I feel happy, proud of myself for treating my body well. That’s when I can feel safe, knowing that I’m on the right track. But good days that happen out of nowhere, for no reason at all? Those feel like a slippery slope. Like they’ll turn their backs on me in the worst of moments, as quickly as they came.
Punishment/Reward vs. Uncertainty
My biggest issue with IBS is the lack of cause and effect. I’d much rather deal with a punishment and reward system that would offer stability.
I can deal with not eating a food I love because I know I’ll have to pay for it. I can put time and effort into a management technique knowing that I’ll reap the rewards. But when I see, once again, that there is no rhyme or reason to IBS, I quickly start feeling like nothing I ever do will make a difference in the long run. And that’s a terrible feeling.
I believe that IBS wouldn’t be so hard to cope with if we knew when flares would happen. If we could do something to ensure that we can participate in an event or activity without running the risk of getting sick. Then, the illness would feel predictable, manageable even.
The big picture
So, what is this? An entire article about the unpredictability of IBS and how we’re all doomed anyway? Well, not really. While all I said is true in the short term, I don’t think my IBS is as random as my brain makes it out to be. While the day-to-day unpredictability is a struggle, looking at the broader picture helps me see patterns in the chaos.
I ate a horrible diet for 22 years and spent a good chunk of that time ignoring my worsening anxiety. Wasn’t my body bound to react at some point? And wouldn’t it make sense for it to snap during a particularly stressful and unhappy time in my life? When I look at it like this, I understand why I developed IBS in my early twenties when I started working in a career I hated, in a country where I didn’t feel at home, while clinging to a relationship that was quickly falling apart.
Similarly, it makes sense that I started doing better when I learned the basics of nutrition, started cooking from scratch, and finally began working on my mental health. Seen in that light, it’s not as strange that I get the odd good period once in a while.
And then, of course, there are numerous other factors that are out of my control. Hormonal changes or imbalances, where I am in my cycle, the weather, atmospheric pressure, the presence of or absence of rain, my current and recent stress levels, how busy I am, illnesses, stress conveyed by my husband or other family members… These are all difficult to quantify. And yet, in my experience, everything plays together in a way that either triggers my IBS, or it doesn’t.
Trying to let go
In the end, there’s not much I can do to prevent inexplicable flares or prolong inexplicable good times. I just have to take deep breaths and remind myself that even healthy people can feel off for seemingly no reason, and that’s okay. It’s still hard though, every time it happens.
Do you also experience inexplicable flares and good days with IBS? How do these affect your mental health?
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