Right on Time: Dreaming of Regularity with IBS

By Amy Dodd Pilkington

2 min read

If you have IBS, you likely dream of regularity. It must be nice to have a predictable schedule. I’m envious of those people who have a routine of going in the morning. IBS doesn’t have a schedule.

Will my IBS go away?

There was a period of time recently when I had something that loosely remembered a schedule, and it was pure bliss. It felt like a vacation–a vacation from IBS. For a brief moment, I thought maybe my IBS was going dormant.

Years ago I enjoyed an extended period of time with no symptoms at all, and I hoped for it to return to that state. Daily life would be so much simpler if I didn’t have the constant worry of an IBS flare looming over my head like a dark cloud.

IBS keeps me from making plans

Travel would be so much simpler. Making plans would be delightful. Being able to go out to dinner with family and friends would be fun. But, no. My dreams of regularity are just that: dreams.

While I must fast to keep from having an accident when I leave home, there are people out there that can set their clock by their bathroom schedule. Oh, how I envy that. Oh, how I wish I could be like that.

How can I predict an IBS flare?

Even during the brief periods of time when I have little or no symptoms, the constant worry of an IBS flare is still there. I worry about a sudden return of symptoms. The fear of having an accident is always there.

Have you ever been out in public after a few days or weeks with no symptoms and felt those tell-tale cramps? You know the cramps I am taking about. It means trouble. It screams out that you must locate a bathroom as soon as possible. You know time of the essence, and that fear makes everything worse.

IBS is affecting my social life

I have reconnected with people and met new people, and the go-to meeting is always going out to dinner or out for coffee. I don’t feel comfortable doing either, and I feel that has prevented me from being social.

Having a routine bathroom schedule would help my social calendar tremendously. I cannot imagine how nice it would be to be able to make plans with old and new friends. IBS is unpredictable, and it keeps me chained to my home and the safety of having a bathroom close by at all times.

Traveling and eating out with IBS

I have done some traveling recently, and the drive was filled with worry. I was grateful that I didn’t have terrible flares while on the road, but I did have some issues. Each time I have a flare while traveling, it makes it more stressful for me to leave home.

My husband, on the other hand, has a fairly regular schedule. Oh, how I wish I did. I wish I could kick IBS to the curb and enjoy dinner dates, long road trips, and leaving home without the fear of an IBS flare. Unfortunately, having a regular schedule isn’t possible with IBS.

Do you dream of regularity? How do you cope with the fear of flares? I would love to hear about your experience.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The IrritableBowelSyndrome.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Swimfan Member
 This really speaks to me. Looking back it's criminal how much IBS has shaped and warped my life. For the last 7 years (even in good times) I was on a rather restrictive diet (something I haven't touched in ages are products with a medium content of lactose/lactose-free, onions, garlic and other high FODMAP foods and fatty and spicy foods oh yeah, and alcohol of course). It keeps me from having fun eating out, it now even keeps me from enjoying vacations (even if I'd beat this nightmare right now, I'd still be afraid to travel much). 
1. irritable2 Member
 <inline-mention username="Swimfan" user-id="6641984"/> I guess I am a fool - a fool who still says, "Go with it," as I keep trying to enjoy my life - now with my 5-year-old - IBS (smile)! I could have stopped vacationing a long time ago. But I don't WANT to stop! My inner child still wants to enjoy herself, and I ain't stopping her! So, I make plans for my family and I myself, to keep vacationing. And I keep my adult kids at my side, even as my Multiple Sclerosis AND IBS work at stopping me! I don't regret journeying, either, since life is too short to just let it pass me by! I can't just stay home alone all of the time. I've got to keep going, even as I embarrass mySELF. Thank goodness, no one else sees my literal mess (smile). They just see me darting into bathrooms, where I clean and recompose myself, so I can keep going. I know it's probably unwise to keep going places other than my doctors' offices and pharmacy. But I also know I can cheat myself out of great life, if I'll just stay home all of the time at my young age 50+! I can't afford to stop living life - to its fullest.
2. Swimfan Member
 <inline-mention username="irritable2" user-id="2336559"/> I bet that no one here would call this behavior anything but the right way to live 😉 My problem is that I'm just 32 years old, had this s*** for over 7 years now and that I'm just at a point where I could finance my vacations easily. So I'm in this mindset when I could actually start treating myself (with great restaurants and trips) financially.
Kim Dolce Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Swimfan" user-id="6641984"/> Criminal indeed 🙁 It's a total head-trip, imagining several humiliating, scary scenarios as soon as we are asked to join someone for dinner. So unfair. Here's hoping for a breakthrough in treating bowel incontinence!. Cheers, Kim, moderator
1Enfermita Member
Oh yes, always dreaming of being IBS free, I go out to dinner with friends and family but not only do I wear my "pull ups", take nedication and check the bathroom inmediately upon arrival, I have to be so careful of what I am going to eat and drink, I try not to let it control me but its a struggle. 
1. irritable2 Member
 But you keep on doing things, 1Enfermita! And I applaud you for not just staying home all of the time. 
2. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="1Enfermita" user-id="4214134"/> I hear you. It is certainly a struggle but I am happy to see that you are doing what you can to make it work so you can continue to live your life. That is a huge strength. How have you been feeling lately? -Elizabeth (team member)
barbaraegd Member
I have way less flareups since taking Viberzi, but the story is very familiar. Even without flareups, regularity is a dream. When I seem regular for a few days, I have an impulse to announce it to someone, somewhere, because it seems like such an accomplisment! Which of course is both sad and funny.
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="barbaraegd" user-id="2328262"/> I can relate! When I was starting to become regular after years of dealing with chronic constipation my family knew it all because I was so excited! Haha, and they cheered along with me, I must say. I hope you are feeling well today. Best, Elizabeth (team member)
lisaw Member
 Yes. All this! I have not just lost friends but lost a social life. A what if social life. But having this for 38 years I got used to saying no and making up an excuse, work, kids, elderly parents. I can think of one in an instant. But I have made a life with what I have and it’s good. And I also feel envious of people that don’t worry about just getting up and going wherever and whenever. I also know it could be worse. So I am grateful for what I can do, where I can go. It is nice to see I am not alone with these thoughts! God Bless y’all! 
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="lisaw" user-id="2312744"/> You are definitely not alone. It is hard that our spontaneity has to be taken from us. A lot of planning has to go into leaving our home. But it is also nice sometimes to know you aren't alone and that others with this diagnosis go through the same thing. Big hugs to you, Elizabeth (team member)
Njf0618 Member
It would be nice but I know I have to be realistic. I take some ideas from a therapist I once had and try to look at how often I have had really bad problems which are not as often as a time when I am near a bathroom and it isn't as bad of a situation. He also suggested knowing what you would do and having a game plan - which I usually have. I actually have a small portable travel john that sits in the back seat of our truck which is our main travel vehicle and I also have some bags that would be for a really dire emergency for when we would be in a rental car and all else fails. At least having these emergency measures makes me feel a bit less nervous and I've learned that the calmer I feel the less I have problems. That is probably the one thing that has helped me the most is staying calm and trying not to worry as much. Much easier said than done I realize. I also have a couple of meds that seem to help if I start feeling symptoms. My husband who tolerated but didn't really understand so much has had a couple of true accidents and has had to return home a mess and he totally gets it now and is much more sympathetic than he was when he was younger and didn't have issues himself. His isn't IBS ( he doesn't have any forewarning just suddenly explosive diarrhea) but it does help him "get it" and he no longer thinks I'm crazy with all my preventive methods. I realize that I won't be the first or last person on a plane, train, or wherever that has had something happen and hopefully staying calm will prevail. 
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Njf0618" user-id="4832334"/> Staying calm is huge! Like you say, easier said than done but if you can master it, it will be the difference between making it through without an accident or not. I hope today is a better day for you and that you are having minimal symptoms. Big hugs, Elizabeth (team member)
irritable2 Member
I, too, dream of becoming regular. But WILL I ever be regular? My gastroenterologist has me on Linzess now. And it's al'ight, since it keeps my tummy a little less puffy. I also have a few more, and a few more complete bowel movements. But I get the runs, too, sometimes, and I welcome them! I'd rather get those, since they clean my system a little bit, preventing me from literally, being full of s--t (laugh). That over-stuffed feeling is the WORST part of my IBS! Feeling like I need to burst after two days, but not yet being able to do so! My Multiple Sclerosis (MS) compounds - maybe even is the reason for - my IBS. MS dulls my nerves so that I don't feel what I need to feel happening in my circulatory system. And MS also messes up my brain signaling, so that I don't even know I need to do the doo - until it's actually happening!
1. irritable2 Member
 <inline-mention username="Elizabeth Alvarez" user-id="2297012"/> Thank you for the tips! I often shop on Amazon, so I may as well try out what you recommend. I'll ask my doctor about that L-Glutamine, too. 
2. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="irritable2" user-id="2336559"/> You are so welcome! Keep me posted. -Elizabeth (team member)
lucy33 Member
I have IBS-M, so I never know what to expect on a given day. For me, the constipation is far worse than the diarrhea. I am fortunate that although Ineed to know the location of a restroom wherever I go, I don't have bowel incontinence. The constipation creates horrible bloating and pain and I can swing from one state to the other in a single 12 hour period. My diet frequently must be seriously limited because of this. I participate in dog Obedience and Rally competitions. I often get so hungry I'm lightheaded because I'm afraid to eat. Going out to dinner is pretty difficult; friends want to go to restaurants that have absolutely nothing I can safely eat. I know I am lucky that I CAN participate in these events. The time I suffered most was when I was sick and in the hospital and no one understood why I needed to go to the bathroom.. but couldn't. I was treated in an extremely cruel fashion (and I was in intensive care) and the humiliation naturally, made the IBS worse. My good friends know about my issues and are willing to work with me when it comes to eating. 
1. irritable2 Member
 <inline-mention username="lucy33" user-id="2315452"/> I am so sorry, lucy33, that you once found yourself, treated cruelly, while recovering from your emergency, IBS situation. Hospitals are supposed to be supportive - not degrading - whenever we come to hospitals for sicknesses! It hurts when we are kicked down, instead of built up. Negative, IBS hatred, probably is what drives many of us to eat almost nothing, and to try to only stay home. 
2. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="lucy33" user-id="2315452"/> Sorry you are dealing with such a severe case. I hope you are doing okay today. I also have to agree that the constipation is worse. The intense bloating and horrible discomfort is awful to deal with. Are you doing anything diet wise to help? I found for me personally a probiotic daily plus, sea moss gel and L- Glutamine was so helpful. Also cutting out wheat completely. -Elizabeth (team member)
lucy33 Member
Actually, I was in the hospital for bacterial meningitis, which almost killed me. I have Chronic Lymphocytic Lymphoma, and it got bad rather quickly and took over most of my bone marrow. So I not only lost my immune system, I also lost bone density which led to fractures in my back, pelvis, feet and knee. No one knew how sick I was until I collapsed because I always had good energy. So, I was that sick which naturally, made the IBS worse. I woke up in the hospital after being delirious for three days and when I had the awful pain of IBS-C, where it feels like I need to go but can't, I was accused of faking. It was humiliating and definitely made me sicker. I was on IV antibiotics and they wanted me to stay for two weeks. I was so depressed they sent me home a week early with a midline and port to finish the antibiotics at home. 
1. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="lucy33" user-id="2315452"/> That's horrible, I'm so, so sorry that you were treated that way. How are you feeling today? Sending hugs, Karina (team member)
irritable2 Member
If anyone else EVER tells you, you're "faking" your real, health pains, Lucy33, kick his/her as- (smile)! I mean kick 'em verbally and/or in writing, whenever you are able to do so. I am joking a little. But, I DO notice some folks like to disrespect us whenever they see our IBS, or anything else that think weakens us! So, I TELL them - no matter who the jerks may be - I deserve respect! If what I say does not stop the jerks' bad behaviors, I use my valuable, writing sword! I write complaints to the Better Business Bureau/federal and state consumer affairs departments/my offenders' bosses/whoever can win justice for me. I likely would have written complaints against that hospital, had I endured what you did, Lucy33! Of course, I would have had to do my writing after finally feeling healthy enough to do so (sarcastic smile). Oh, well. You've GOT to be better now, away from that hospital (smile)! And I hope you are healthier and more assertive now. 
1. irritable2 Member
 Yes, Karina, I get reactions as I persistently complain and follow up with my complaints online. And I do this often, since writing is how I personally deal with any injustices I face! I love writing my thoughts and backing them up with facts. The internet is my beautiful tool for getting out my messages of praise and critiques of businesses. But it's getting more difficult now, as companies increasingly seek to shut up folks (smile) like me - folks who MUST have our say in writing! Even my huge Bank of America tries to get me "talking" to electronic robots, and to agents with prepare scripts - not real answers or resolutions! But I just patiently take businesses back to our 20th Century (smile) - the last time when we folks easily MADE ourselves heard! I search online for anyone at the top who can help me, and I go outside of companies' commercialized web sites, to find resolutions. This is the worldwide web, baby! So, I find DIRECT email addresses for individuals at the top of our worldwide companies. And yes, I usually win my deserved refunds, healthcare coverage resolutions, or whatever other justices I seek. But uhh....I DO worry that the day can come when - we ONLY can speak to bots, and to robotic "customer service" agents who only read from business scripts instead of helping us resolve our problems (nervous laugh)! We seem to be rapidly moving toward an OVERLY high tech world - a world where we no longer will be able to seek and gain justices, as we'll be forced only to deal with bots, commercial websites, and other forms of Artificial Intelligence! 
2. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="irritable2" user-id="2336559"/> Wow, it sounds like you're really good at this! Thanks so much for sharing your techniques and efforts with us. It's so great that you're able to stand up for yourself and get people to listen. I agree that it's very annoying that it's getting increasingly difficult to access a real customer service, even when it's not for a complaint but a simple question that the bits can't answer. Karina (team member)
irritable2 Member
You are a TOUGH (smile) cookie. Certainly tougher than I ever have needed to be! I gain strength for my own life battles, as I read of what you have endured. So, thank you for your inspiration.

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