How do you deal with the excruciating debilitating pain and grief and anxiety

Hi - Thank you for your willingness to share so openly with the community. Just reaching out is often a difficult step to take. The difficulties you’ve described sound incredibly challenging, and I’m sorry to hear how much you’re struggling.

While we’re not professional counselors, I would like to offer you some resources/information. This article, https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/mental-health/coping-general-resources, lists several organizations that provide emotional support, including dialing 988 or chatting at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org in the event that you are feeling unsafe, since you mentioned regularly experiencing suicidal ideation.

The path to symptom control can be long and overwhelming. This community is here to support you. I thought I’d share some articles that relate to what you’ve shared, and I hope they help provide some information: https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/living/coping-with-physical-pain and https://irritablebowelsyndrome.net/living/dealing-anxiety.

Again, thank you for sharing candidly with us. I hope you have a gentle rest of your day. - Chris, IrritableBowelSyndrome.net Team

I am so sorry you are suffering like this. I'm sending you a kind gentle virtual hug. I know it won't take your pain away but I just wanted you to know my kind wishes are with you.

I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you aren't getting enough help medically from doctors?

IBS is exhausting, frightening, demoralising. I'm not the person I used to be either as a result of it. I keep trying to reach for that and occasionally do find little bits of "myself" but it is a struggle to keep, especially when bad days follow.

But though I know you didn't ask for this, you didn't ask for peoples' suggestions ....but I have found that some alternative things do actually help me when I am going trough very rough patches (that make me cry with a form of grief for what I used to know in life and which has so badly changed now.) Certain herbs can calm the awful flare ups with loose bowel movements, horrible sensations and dark feelings, and gas which causes pains. I have found that anyway.
When I manage to calm my gut even a bit, my bad mental /emotional feelings do ease up somewhat.
So then, I take blackberry leaf tea and meadowsweet tea, and tormentil tincture. The natural tannins and antispasmodics definitely help tighten up the loose guts and make me feel a bit easier. You've probably tried lots and lots of things and found no help, but maybe Nature's Pantry might be useful for you too? I don't know, but if it just helped you a little bit it would be great.
I combine that with a very very bland diet until I see any improvement.

I am wishing you the very best and hope you might feel a bit better soon. That this really dreadful time might start to lift a little?
You are not alone

Hey there, what you have sounds like something really severe (Morbus Crohn comes to mind).
What have doctors checked for?