Abuse Free Xmas

Editor's Note - Content Warning: This story includes language about self-harm and emotional abuse.

As Christmas approaches, I am cool as a cucumber. This will be the 4th Xmas that's low-key and abuse-free for me. This is a huge change from how things used to be for most of my life.

I come from a highly co-dependent family with 3 abusive narcissists, my mom, and two sisters. The holidays were always stressful, especially Xmas. I first saw how bad it was when I was a teenager and it pretty much ruined Xmas for me. My mom and Grandma were highly stressed and angry. I also started to notice that with so many people while working in customer service.

Food and family

Xmas became even more frustrating when I got IBS because most of the foods we would have at our big family gathering were foods that I couldn't eat. I would usually be able to eat turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy. The fact my mom has Crohn's disease never factored into the food available to eat at big family gatherings so mine wasn't either.

7yrs ago I was in crisis therapy, it's when you are at high risk of self harm and you get a therapist who specializes in situations like that. We spoke at great lengths about my family, mostly my mom and my two sisters. My mom and two sisters, on top of the abuse, don't believe that I am sick. They think endometriosis is just painful periods with rough cramps. They think I just need to think positive thoughts and I will be cured. My younger sister thinks that I also need to read a book on trauma as well as think positive thoughts to be cured. For 3yrs my older sister would tune out everything that had to do with my health, including the 4 times I mentioned I can't have kids. I'm not the only one in my family who has health issues, my mom has Crohn's and fibromyalgia, and my younger sister has Sjogren's Syndrome. Their diseases are believed, researched and they don't have to think positive thoughts in order to cure themselves, only I have to.

Cutting family members out

After a couple of months, as I neared the end of treatment, the therapist warned me that my mom and two sisters may never be capable of changing so I needed to decide if I could handle them in my life or not. Everyone got one last chance. 4 yrs ago, My mom was the first to be cut out because of a huge fight my mom had with my husband and I. Her last words were harsh and told me to lose her number. The second was my younger sister, she demanded that I read a book on trauma to be cured. She believed I enjoyed being sick so I could be lazy. My older sister was the last to be cut out when she flipped out because my husband and I eloped, despite the fact that I had gotten my family's blessing, even hers, to do so. Both my sisters were cut out 3yrs ago.

I have 0 regrets about cutting them out of my life. Holidays are a fantastic reminder of the choice I made. Abuse free, foods I can eat and my IBS doesn't rear its ugly head from all the stress and anxiety.