Stool Sample Collection Panic

By Sawyer Matheny

2 min read

For me, the pandemic proved, to be the best time to avoid having to go to the doctor. I’ve never liked going, in the first place. My mom, growing up (me not her) would have to drag me to the doctor, nearly kicking and screaming (me this time, for sure) in order to get looked at. I wasn’t some Victorian child, bedridden and crumbling to dust from sunlight like in the Secret Garden. But, between my IBS, migraine with aura, and anxiety, I was a wonderful candidate for a medical bill or three.

Finding new doctors

Something about the pandemic's constant presence and heightened health awareness made trips to the doctor even more unpleasant. I didn’t want to be in a room with a stranger fewer than 6 feet apart. So I stayed away.

Between that and moving across the state, finding new doctors and performing new tests were at the bottom of my priority list. I mean I could just self-medicate and take over-the-counter solutions for the rest of my life, right? Right?

New IBS tests

Brown ice cream cone The longer I went without a trip to the gastroenterologist, the more anxious I got. But the more anxious I got, the more felt like I needed a specialist! I got myself stuck in this paralyzing position that I just needed to overcome. How bad could a new gastroenterologist be? They’re just going to ask me lifestyle and diet questions, that’s all! They definitely won’t make me have to poop in some sort of weird cup? They definitely won’t probe my anus with a lil camera worm looking for butt troubles.

I was almost dumbfounded when they told me I’d have to use the restroom in this plastic toilet. One I’m going to have to place over my commode to get an absolutely choice stool sample. But here’s the kicker.

"We don’t want just any solid poop, we want one that’s runny, and emblematic of a bad poop day," my doctor said.

Excuse me, you want me to fight off my painful, gut-obliterating cramps, when I am at my most vulnerable, and evacuate into a bucket? I’m sorry, but, I don’t know when I’ll ever really be able to do that.

Contemplating my IBS stool sample

Fallen splattered ice cream cone So I’m at a crossroads. Like I know it’s good for me. That his whole job is to assess for complications in my bowel, but there isn’t a great time. When I’m focused on trying to get dairy poison out of me, I don’t think I’ll be dexterous enough to meticulously fire my poop blast into a plastic baby potty.

Baby steps. This is my problem after all. I took a leap towards wellness and I can’t forget that. I can’t just keep letting obstacles get in my way. It’s uncomfortable, for sure, but if this pandemic has taught me anything, is that I’ve been waiting long enough. I can’t keep waiting for things to change without me doing something about it. Even if that means having to find the courage and intestinal strength to use the toilet, then give them a sample. I really hope they need this for medical reasons and not something way more sinister. If you want to clone me, just ask! There are PLENTY of other means that don’t involve pooping into a "stool sample collection pan."

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The IrritableBowelSyndrome.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Stuart Member
OMG. Another article that describes my struggle to a tee. I often have to collect to test for cdiff. Using the “nurses hat” is just gross. We don’t need a bucketful for testing. Also, it can make the personal hygiene process almost impossible to achieve. One thing I’ve learned to do when collecting stool samples is to use small containers or cups instead. I have some unused, disposable Panera soup bowls. I know my anatomy, so I put on a surgical glove, hold the cup where I should and collect the sample. If going to the doctor where I know they want a sample, I just make a little kit and take it with me. 
1. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Stuart" user-id="4221681"/> I'm glad that you've found a better way to collect samples! Thank you for sharing what works better for you. How are you feeling today? Karina (team member)
CommunityMember20bd03 Member
Oh boy. I’m so sorry. Hope you understand my English because I’m deaf. I had a lot of plm with my terrible crazy IBS with constipation. Was running to the doctors for many years and medicines were never worked at all. Fiber power, pills for soft poop, fiber foods and more were never worked. Cant poop at all. I was in emergency room before stomach pain because of too much stools in my stomach 😳. Doctor gave me bottle of fleet. Saved my life. I found coffee enema and researched. Coffee enema is my best friend. Please research coffee enema. 
1. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember20bd03" user-id="6682108"/> Thanks so much for sharing what has worked for you! I'm glad that you finally found something that helped you. Wishing you all the best, Karina (team member)
hateibs Member
 I hope the end of my little true tale gives someone a laugh.... I remember my stool samples in the summer of 2020. It was Lockdown here. I was very lucky to get to speak with a doctor at all. as they seemed to have all run for the hills. But not this one fortunately. I had a long phone discussion, and then was told that a stool sample collection kit...no TWO kits were waiting for me at reception. "Depending on what the Lab finds, we may need further investigation, but if it's good, probably not." the doc. said. So I collected my kits the next day, The reception area was empty except for one face mask wearing lady behind a huge desk and a plastic screen , who gave me what I came for. When I got home I opened the bag and found to my bafflement and horror that the "collection potty" thing was about 4 inches long, 3 inches wide and not terribly deep. I had no idea who invented that but it wouldn't have been big enough for a little kitty. So I decided that I would have to invent something more practical for the toilet. Usually I can solve DIY problems about the house, so I found a piece of very tough clean cardboard to wedge in (I intended to bury this in the field when I was done!) The cardboard wouldn't work. It kept slipping into the toilet bowl, getting wet, and so did the second one I made. And I was getting quite desperate to do a #2. So fortunately my garden is in a very remote countryside location, no buildings overlook it and there are plenty of trees and thick shrubs. I took a piece of the cardboard outside behind a thick Choisia bush. I took toilet paper, a bag for the paper when used, and scented aloe vera wet wipes with me too. But while pulling my pants down, my friendly Crow turned up, asking for his morning treat. Sorry Crow....urgent business to attend to! So I pooped on the piece of white cardboard, watched by a Crow at pretty close range. The tests were okay once done. No red flags. I used the two silly collection "potties" at a later date: one to mix wall filler in, and the other to mix paint. Waste not want not. 
1. Karina Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="hateibs" user-id="4146293"/> I love that you found a more practical way to collect the sample! The part about your cow and the paint mixing made me laugh, you're right not to waste the "collection potties". 😉 Thanks so much for sharing, I hope you're having a lovely day. Karina (team member)
explodingguts Member
Not as if the poo test will reveal answers - not in my experience. Nether did oscopies gastro or endo - nada. Complete waste of time. Today, after a few months of Centerpointe, Sedona Method, Learning Strategies mostly 30-min self-help recordings - 2-4 a day typically - I am 97% cured of more than a weary decade of IBS-D. A stubborn 3 % remains when I don't let go of some new anger or resentment as fast as I should. The idea is, we carry in our bodies every unresolved anger and resentment however useless it is to us and it hurts us. I now feel that IBS-D was my body screaming at me, "STOP! You are overwhelmed to bursting! Take a moment to release all that stress and bitterness." As I say, it sounded too good to be true but I could see how much lighter, happier and more effective my son was in his life, and the MDs offered no mitigation, so I tried it. It works! I thought I was so chill - no major stress or issues. Ha. We all have these - it's just Life. The trick is in letting it go. I now look forward to a routine while lying down: first, the bells in the rain to wake up the unconscious, then Relationships Letting Go followed by either Forgiveness or Performance shot before my workout. Yes, I now routinely work out for 30-40 min w/o BM breaks. I am SO MUCH HAPPIER - more joyful, not just surviving. Lighter, healthier - all of that. I'm no laser-focused guru so anyone can do this. An actor like you should find the process easy as pie. It has changed my life. I can't think of much that would be more stressful than the lead in Hamlet, so I imagine your guts are quite a bit of turmoil. I hope most fervently that you are able to release it so that it never stops you from taking work in the profession you love. I have no commercial arrangement with any of the recordings providers. There may be others. These are the ones that have helped me so dramatically. 
1. Elizabeth Alvarez Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="explodingguts" user-id="2321200"/> I am so thrilled to hear how much this treatment has helped you! What a huge win. Thank you for sharing. Stay well! -Elizabeth (team member)