I wrote a part of my story earlier this year, but there is something, that I’ve never talked about, even to my doctor… something that made me suffer for years, and still does… probably one of the worst days of my life, something utterly humiliating that happened in 2009.
I started suffering with IBS when I was a teenager. I didn’t know what I was suffering at that time.
But someday, at work, I had to take a manager’s car to the garage. I remember this day, like it was yesterday… this day, I ate a pasta salad for lunch, and drunk a diet Coke.
When I arrived to the garage, maybe 15 minutes after lunch, I felt the firsts signs of a diarrhea, but I had to let the car, and had to wait for it … I tried to think about something else, to avoid it.
They asked me to wait about 30 minutes, the time they needed to repair the car.
But these 30 minutes were probably too long… Half an hour later, they told me the car was ready…
I was crossed my legs… because the the urge to go to the toilet grew… I still took the time to make the papers… I enter the car as fast as I could, just the time to sit, and it was too late… I pooped my pants 🙁
Hopefully, this happened when I was in the car, I drove fast, and stopped in a wood… just to try to clean myself… I cried a lot. But I had to go back to work… and I couldn’t go back like this.
I went to my apartment, even if it’s not allowed on working hours, but I really needed to take a shower and change clothes… I also took a deodorant to remove the smell in the manager’s car… it was a nightmare, I was so ashamed… and I’m still.
I had to go back to work as if nothing had happened… It was really hard to admit what happened… I couldn’t believe that it had happened to me … and I had to keep it for myself … I had no one to talk to, and I did not want to talk about it.
I decided to talk about it here because I’m french, and probably no one knows me, this is why it’s easier here.
It’s not easy to talk about this, but I really wanted to do… one of the worst days of my life, a nightmare.
Weeks after, I drunk a diet Coke again, (I usually drunk regular Coke) I was invited the same evening, and when I arrived, I felt a gut discomfort, bloating, gas… the restrooms were just next to the living room… During the dinner, I felt, the signs of a diarrhea. But this time, I pretended a phone call, and that I had to go back home for personal reasons, even if it’s not really polite.
When I arrived at home I had a diarrhea, but hopefully, I was at home.
This day, I understood that I had to avoid drinks with sweetener ! it was obvious.
With the low FODMAP diet, I’ve learned what I should avoid, and what I can eat. I’ve learned that sweeteners aren’t good, that I should avoid gluten, and that many foods can cause discomfort.
Today, this story is still haunting me and I’ll probably never forget it…
It wasn’t easy to write this, but I really needed. (And it’s a good exercise to me as a French, to write it in english)
I’m always afraid that a situation like this will happen again. But today, I feel better by paying attention to my diet (Low FODMAP diet), with sophrology, and alternative medicines.
And thanks to this website, I can openly talk about this. This website allow me to discover other stories, and it’s very important to me to learn more about IBS and about people who live with.
This was one of the worst days of my life…