Blue whale posing on a bed wearing a Santa hat bra and red lipstick

All I Want For Christmas Is An IBS-Free Life

Dear Santa,
This year, I just ask you for one gift: to make my IBS disappear. Before you say no and just bring me socks instead, hear me out. I assure you that it would be the most practical present, and not only for me! Of course, my life would be a lot easier without IBS, but it would benefit others almost as much. And what can be better than a gift that makes a lot of people happy?

Without IBS, my relationship would flourish

My fiancé is used to my IBS and how unpredictable it makes our lives. But I’m sure that he’d be delighted if our nights didn’t get ruined by flare-ups anymore. Or if we didn’t have to watch Netflix as often because it’s literally the only thing I can do.

He would also appreciate being able to eat out on our date nights without me risking getting sick. He’s such a foodie, and I know that he misses eating out more than he says.

If I didn’t have IBS, he wouldn’t have to take over my chores whenever I have a flare. It’s only fair that everyone does their part, isn’t it?

And let’s not forget that it’s difficult to maintain a physical relationship when one person always feels like a stranded whale due to bloating. A whale and a human can still get along, but it just unnecessarily complicates matters. You see, both my fiancé and I would be far better off if my IBS disappeared!

Without IBS, I’d be a better friend

If my IBS went away, my friends would be so much happier, too! Right now, I barely see them due to the pandemic. But on the rare occasion that I do, it’s not fair when IBS makes me feel sick and miserable. I’d be a much better friend to them if I didn’t have IBS!

It’s also quite annoying that I can never eat what I’m offered unless my food intolerances are taken into account. Don’t you think that it’s unjust to make my friends spend money on special ingredients just for me?

And then, think about the millions of plans canceled due to IBS flares. What are they good for? Canceling plans is annoying and disappointing to everyone. Can’t you see how this gift would benefit not only me but also my friends?

Without IBS, my family would spend more time outside

Then, think about my son. If I didn’t suffer from IBS, he’d be able to spend so much more time outside! I’d never had to stay home just because of a flare. And I’d never be scared to go somewhere just because I’ve just eaten.

We’d go for long walks every day. I’d let him play in the park whenever the sun is out. We’d take trips to the beach, the woods, the mountains. It would be so much fun.

Plus, being outside is great for babies! It’s great for grown-ups, too. So, making my IBS disappear would really be a gift for the whole family!

Without IBS, I would be a better worker

Right now, IBS is forcing me to work from home. Of course, I do love it and I wouldn’t want to change anything at present. But it would be nice to know that I have options. This is not the case! Even though many IBS sufferers still work at an office, it just isn’t for me. I get too anxious about leaving the house every morning, and this constant anxiety makes me so miserable that I can’t enjoy life at all anymore.

And even as I’m working from home, I struggle to be productive with IBS. What’s the point of being sick for hours instead of working when I could finish my clients’ projects instead?

Without IBS, I’d be able to work more efficiently, meet shorter deadlines, and spend more quality time with the people I love. As you can tell, the disappearance of my IBS would not only make my clients happier but also my fiancé, my parents, and my grandparents, my son, my friends, and me. How is that not the perfect gift?

Of course, dear Santa, you’re not real. And I suppose that my IBS is here to stay. But wouldn’t it be nice if it did go away, just like that?

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