Cheese, Chocolate, and Wine
I know all of you are thinking 1 of 2 things. One is, "God, I wish I could have one or all of these things, but it really messes with my IBS." Two is, "God, I wish I could STOP HAVING one or all of these things because it really messes with my IBS."
I suppose we could throw coffee or any number of our particular pleasures into the mix, but depending on the person and their tolerances, it’s all the same subject. I will admit to my shame, here in public, that I have had cheese, chocolate, and wine for the first time in a long time and I am paying for it handsomely.
Blaming boredom for my choices
Currently, I’m blaming boredom. I am feeling like I can only 'kill’ so many hours of the day. For a while, I was sticking to a very strict regimen of daily routine to keep such, uh, indulgence at bay. I would wake and eat a healthy breakfast, take a walk, read for a while, eat a healthy lunch. After lunch, I would work for a while, take a bike ride, dinner, TV, read, bed. This was working out pretty well until I realized that it was only ME that I had to keep me accountable.
Once my 'lizard brain’ figured out that there was no one to babysit me, I started acting out. It started with going to bed on time. My usual bedtime is 11:30 pm. This extended to 2 am, thus, extending my day. Well, idle time is the devil’s plaything, right? What do we do when there is too much time on the couch. Right...snacks, drinks, sweets, whatever. We tend to forget in these moments of gluttony that we have an illness that simply will not tolerate such behavior.
"Why not the wine?"
For a couple of weeks, I took the 'screw it’ approach. I figured if I had the cheese and crackers, well, why not the wine. I love wine and cheese, and since I had deprived myself of it for so long, it tasted REALLY, REALLY good. Well, why not dessert. I mean REAL dessert. Well, needless to say, one thing led to another, and that other thing led to horrible flare-ups and a complete relapse with my IBS. Then I was ashamed. How could I be this stupid? Shame works well for planting the seed of redemption, but should not be held on to for very long. It will work against you and you will start believing you cannot change. We all can make changes.
I removed these vicious items and am starting to feel a bit better. It’s interesting that once you do the work to remove things that are bad for you in the first place, it is easier to stop them once you slip. I wrote this thinking that probably a lot of you are struggling with your vices right now. You are not alone and there is nothing weak or wrong with you. We are all just human. It’s recognizing that we are hurting ourselves that is the most important thing. Oh well, back to sprouts ...lol! :-)
Do you have difficulties with setting boundaries and saying no?